I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
