Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
