he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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