She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
