I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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