yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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