Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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