is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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