My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
