Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
