Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
