he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
