also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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