somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
