No, you can still breathe under the balls.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
