Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I touched a dick in church today
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
