Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
