I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
