I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
