CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
How's work?
Spinning.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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