1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
