I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
