the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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