He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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