I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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