She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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