so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
