I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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