So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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