We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
