I cut my penus on the lid.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
