I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
