I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I love how my cats smell like pot.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
