I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
