update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
