Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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