So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
