If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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