clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
