so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Couch. On fire.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
