Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
