A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
