No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
