I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
