guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
