i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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