As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
A bitchslap is in order.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
