The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
