If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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