Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
