Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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